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I te aro’a atu, I te aro’a mai.

This Cook Island proverb speaks of love flowing both inwards and outwards. It is reflective of Pasifika reciprocity and important for relationships. Our wellbeing can be strongly influenced by our connections with others. Healthy relationships and a sense of belonging can make us feel happy, safe and secure. This is regardless of if they are romantic, between whānau and friends, or at work or school.

Relationships and your wellbeing

Close relationships can take a lot of time to build. They play big roles in our wellbeing in our lives that are full of major changes. Examples include:

romantic relationships that get serious and bring challenges that feel emotionally deeper.
romantic breakups or changes in relationships with friends and whānau changes to home life from moving in together.
challenges in living away from whānau for the first time
losing friendships as people move to different places.
moving to a different place and not having a support network to rely on.

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Depression is different for everyone. Drawing from models like Te Whare Tapa Whā can help identify areas of your life affected by depression and areas you wish to strengthen. Remember, your journey is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach.

Changes to your role in life

Any life changes can be harder to adjust than you expect, including the ones that you have planned. Big changes such as becoming a parent or retiring can affect major parts of your life, including:

Where do you live

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How you define yourself

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Who you have around to support you

What others expect from you

Your beliefs

"Our tūpuna, from my understanding, are your first port of call if you can call it that. They are the ones that look after you. They will never let you be hurt."

Matua Tau Huirama (Waikato - Maniapoto, Tainui)

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Romantic relationships

Many relationships can include stress, negotiation and compromise. However, some people seem to be almost always going through a hard time. There can be constant arguments about who is in charge, household decisions, or whānau matters.
A relationship break-up can also have impacts on your social connections and whānau. It can mean that you are no longer able to see the people you have relied on for support. It can be even more stressful if tamariki are involved. It’s OK to reach out to trusted friends and whānau or a community leader.

Going through relationship changes

When a relationship is going through a rough time, the wellbeing of everyone at home will be affected. This is not just about physical violence, but also any form of emotional manipulation. A lot of people in Aotearoa experience this, regardless of age, gender, sexuality, or the duration of their relationship.
Ongoing stress and violence in a relationship can cause problems, both short and long-term. Experiencing violence is not normal or healthy. Everyone deserves to live a life free from violence and fear.
If you are experiencing domestic violence, you can talk to someone you trust or call a helpline. No situation is not serious enough for you to get help, and you will not be judged:
Shine: 0508 744 633
Women’s Refuge: 0800 733 843
Are you OK?: 0800 456 450
Te Whare Aio (Auckland)
Te Whare Rokiroki (Wellington)
Te Whare Hauora (Christchurch)

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Take the next step

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Asking for help

Opening up can be hard but there are ways to ease into talking about what’s up.

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Depression test

Taking a self-test may help you think about your next steps.

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Supporting someone

Being there for a loved one can help them in their journey.

People who can help

Get to know the different roles in mental health services that can provide the care you need.

Taking care

There are many ways to take care of yourself and maintain your wellbeing.